161 lines
4.1 KiB
Text
161 lines
4.1 KiB
Text
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A UNIX saleslady, Lenore,
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Enjoys work, but she likes the beach more.
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She found a good way
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To combine work and play:
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She sells C shells by the seashore.
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%
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A computer, to print out a fact,
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Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
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But this output can be
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No more than debris,
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If the input was short of exact.
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-- Gigo
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%
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A crusader's wife slipped from the garrison
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And had an affair with a Saracen.
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She was not oversexed,
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Or jealous or vexed,
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She just wanted to make a comparison.
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%
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A dozen, a gross, and a score,
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Plus three times the square root of four,
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Divided by seven,
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Plus five times eleven,
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Equals nine squared plus zero, no more.
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%
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A dreary young bank clerk named Fennis
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Wished to foster an aura of menace;
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To make people afraid
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He wore gloves of grey suede
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And white footgear intended for tennis.
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-- Edward Gorey
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%
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A hacker who screwed a mag tape
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Was caught and convicted of rape.
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To jail he did go,
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From which, to his woe
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He couldn't get out with ESC.
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%
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A limerick packs laughs anatomical
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Into space that is quite economical.
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But the good ones I've seen
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So seldom are clean,
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And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
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%
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A linguist thought it a farce
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That memory space was so sparse.
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One day they increased it.
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Said he as he seized it:
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"At last! Enough core for the parse".
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%
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A new dramatist of the absurd
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Has a voice that will shortly be heard.
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I learn from my spies
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He's about to devise
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An unprintable three-letter word.
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%
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A progressive professor named Winners
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Held classes each evening for sinners.
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They were graded and spaced
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So the vile and debased
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Would not be held back by beginners.
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%
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A very intelligent turtle
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Found programming UNIX a hurdle
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The system, you see,
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Ran as slow as did he,
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And that's not saying much for the turtle.
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%
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A wonderful bird is the pelican.
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His mouth can hold more than his belican.
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He can take in his beak
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Enough food for a week.
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And I'm darned if I know how the helican.
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%
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Despising machines to a man,
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The Luddites joined up with the Klan,
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And ride out by night
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In a sheeting of white
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To lynch all the robots they can.
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-- C. M. and G. A. Maxson
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%
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Flappity, floppity, flip
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The mouse on the m"obius strip;
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The strip revolved,
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The mouse dissolved
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In a chronodimensional skip.
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%
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If you stick a stock of liquor in your locker,
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It is slick to stick a lock upon your stock.
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Or some joker who is slicker,
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Will trick you of your liquor,
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If you fail to lock your liquor with a lock.
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%
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Limericks are art forms complex,
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Their topics run chiefly to sex.
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They usually have virgins,
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And masculine urgin's,
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And other erotic effects.
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%
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System/3! System/3!
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See how it runs! See how it runs!
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Its monitor loses so totally!
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It runs all its programs in RPG!
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It's made by our favorite monopoly!
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System/3!
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%
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There once was a girl named Irene
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Who lived on distilled kerosene
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But she started absorbin'
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A new hydrocarbon
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And since then has never benzene.
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%
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There once was a member of Mensa
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Who was a most excellent fencer.
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The sword that he used
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Was his -- (line is refused,
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And has now been removed by the censor).
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%
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There once was an old man from Esser,
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Who's knowledge grew lesser and lesser.
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It at last grew so small,
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He knew nothing at all,
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And now he's a College Professor.
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%
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There was a young lady from Hyde
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Who ate a green apple and died.
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While her lover lamented
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The apple fermented
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And made cider inside her inside.
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%
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There was a young lady from Niger
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Who smiled as she rode on a tiger;
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They returned from the ride
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With the lady inside,
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And the smile on the face of the tiger.
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%
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There was a young man who said "God,
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I find it exceedingly odd,
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That the willow oak tree
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Continues to be,
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When there's no one about in the Quad."
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"Dear Sir, your astonishment's odd,
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For I'm always about in the Quad;
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And that's why the tree,
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Continues to be,"
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Signed "Yours faithfully, God."
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%
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There was a young poet named Dan,
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Whose poetry never would scan.
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When told this was so,
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He said, "Yes, I know.
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It's because I try to put every possible syllable into that last line that I can."
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%
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A computer called Illiac4
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Had a rather tough bug in its core.
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It chewed up its cards
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And spewed yards and yards
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Of illegible tape on the floor.
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%
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